Night Before Christmas in Las Vegas

The players were sitting hunched in their seats,
Telling their tales of all the bad beats,
The dealer looked at me and asked,
Do you plan to bet or will you pass?

From out in the casino I heard a shout,
I jumped from the two seat to see what was about,
And what to my surprise did appear,
A fat guy drinking a bottle of beer,

He came into the room all in a bustle,
No one guessed it might be a hustle,
He slid into the six seat and yelled for a rack,
Looked around and said, “I’ll leave when I’ve filled my sack,”

Through the air the cards did fly,
Lady Luck loved this red suited guy,
He played every hand never folding a one,
The outcome was always the same, he won and won,

When he had taken most of our chips,
He said I’m going to give you some poker tips,
I’ve played them all, the good and the great,
And let me tell you I can relate,

I‘ve sat across from Hellmuth, Brunson and Chan,
Hachem, Reese, even a guy called Fossilman,
They remind me of a boxer with a glass jaw,
They can’t even play me to a draw,

Now please excuse me, I really must go,
I got to make a stop at the Bellagio,
I left my Mercedes in their valet,
Don’t look so surprised, I traded that drafty sleigh,

I hope you all have a very prosperous year,
I’ll be back next Christmas to play poker right here,
Maybe you should read a poker book or two,
The way you play you don’t have a clue,

Under you’re pillow tomorrow you must look,
That’s where I’ll leave your copy of Doyle Brunson’s poker book,
And with that he turned, shouting as he walked away,
Have a Very Merry Christmas Day!